The Light Beyond – Stepping out of Fear and Into Your Life’s Purpose

Let’s face it, for so many of us, the last few years have been tough! There has been so much to deal with and move through. Family life has changed, work life has changed, the way that the world operates has changed, the way that we shop has changed and certainly, the way that we interact and socialize with each other has changed. In fact, more change is on the way as the world comes to terms with the fact that the covid-19 virus is here to stay and we adjust to life accordingly.  While there have absolutely been many challenges in the last few years, there have also been many opportunities for self-examination and growth. In my many conversations with friends and family, there seems to be a recurring emotion that has been at the forefront of challenges and self-examination: fear. In this 2-part series of articles, I will examine fear and its origins, how it feels and how we excuse it, why it is so crippling and how we can move from a place of fear to a place of action.

What is fear, where does fear come from and why are we afraid?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines fear as: ”an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger”(https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fear). The danger that is anticipated in this case is failure itself and the feelings that we associate with failure, possibly because of how we feel that we are going to be judged and how we may judge ourselves. Now, on a physiological level, our bodies are designed to cope with fear in many ways, but simply and essentially, in a fearful situation, our body is designed to prepare us to either fight or run. We have all at some point experienced our body’s physical reaction to a fearful situation (sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, tunnel vision, dry mouth, need to go to the bathroom etc.), so we know that our physical body is designed to cope. But why is it that so often, psychologically, we do not feel armed in the same way? Why, when it comes down to things that we want to achieve in life, do we experience fear differently and how is it that fear can creep in and wreak havoc on a dream, a vision or a goal that we have?

Fear in these circumstances may be born out of a lack of confidence in our ability to succeed or achieve a desired outcome. So, when we create visions or set goals for ourselves, the more ambitious they are and the more difficult they are to achieve, the more likely we are to doubt our ability to achieve our goals or realize our visions and create an opportunity for fear will pay us a visit. But why do we question our ability to succeed? Where do those seeds of doubt come from? Often, the doubt comes from our past experiences with failure or not achieving some goal. Perhaps we felt that we were judged, ridiculed, scolded or frowned upon because we did not succeed. Perhaps we felt that we tried our very best, and still did not succeed; or perhaps we were told that we would not succeed. Whatever the past experiences, unless we have done the internal work to resolve the feelings associated with those past experiences, we carry all of that baggage with us into our current experience with goals and visions, and that creates the opportunity for fear to surface:

·         We are afraid because we think that we will be judged if we fail

·         We are afraid because we might fail

·         We are afraid because we do not think that we have the resources to succeed

·         We are afraid because we have been conditioned to doubt our ability to succeed

What is also true is that the more that we focus our thoughts and energy on our fear, the more that fear becomes manifest. In fact, it is the growing manifestation of that ‘fear energy’ that eventually becomes so crippling that we take no action at all. As the energy of fear grows, the energy of action decreases. As the energy of action decreases, behaviors develop that keep us in fear mode. Fear can create guilt, shame and self-loathing, all of which deter us from taking action. This manifestation of fear energy is at the heart of many unrealized dreams and goals. Imagine for a moment what could happen if the time and energy that we put into manifesting fear was put into taking steps to realize our goals!

How can fear manifest into how we feel?

Think for a moment about the last time that you experienced fear as it related to a goal that you wanted to achieve…how did that fear show up in your life and how did it make you feel? Whether you felt desperate, paralyzed, stressed or anxious, it is far more common for fear to manifest in our lives negatively than positively. In fact, so often when we are gripped by fear, we make excuses for our inaction. How often have you heard or even used excuses like “I’m just too busy” or “I’ll get to it later” to justify inaction? Now, that is not to say that there are no benefits to fear. On a physiological level, fear causes our bodies to respond in very specific ways in an effort to protect us. We may also use our fear to drive us forward into action. However, that action requires a conversion of fear energy into positive energy and that can be extremely challenging when you are in the midst of fear manifestation. In fact, your past experiences with failure or not achieving goals has a profound effect on the way that you and your body cope with fear. Studies have shown that learned fear changes the way that our brain’s function, allowing fear to permeate and persist in our lives (https://hms.harvard.edu/magazine/science-emotion/chill-fear). So, changing the way that we perceive fear and making different, positive choices, requires repetitive, new learned behavior. In other words, in order to move from fear into action, we must change our fear energy into the energy of action by repeatedly taking steps to achieve our goals and cultivating the energy of action.

What it takes to move from a place of fear and take action

So how can we move from a fear-based place of inactivity to a place of action and stay there consistently? The first step is honesty. We must be able to acknowledge our fear by stripping away the excuses and seeing the reality of our inaction. Only by being honest and naming our fear can we move forward. We must determine what we are afraid of, so that we can do the work to resolve that fear, or at least take the steps necessary to change our perception of it. Making a shift of cultivating ‘fear energy’ into cultivating ‘energy of action’ is also required. Understanding that repeated action steps are required is crucial so that our brains can change our perception from fear-based into action-based. Taking even small, repeated action steps can actually create an override mechanism for our fear so that we consistently create action energy instead fear energy. It is so important to understand that taking one small step at a time is enough to make progress. So often our goal is so ambitious, that we feel that we can only be successful by taking huge leaps and this is not true. Taking small, focused and well-planned steps can often be the key to moving from fear into action and achieving ambitious goals. Sometimes, enlisting the help of friends or other professionals can be valuable in helping us to commit to taking steps no matter what, and be accountable for doing so.

Remember, moving from fear-based inactivity to a place of action requires work on a continuous basis. It can be so easy to fall back into old patterns of behavior that do not serve us well. Being consistent with action energy steps keeps the energy of action flowing and helps to cultivate a lifestyle based on healthy activities that nurture and feed our drive to achieve our goals.

·         Be Honest about your fear and understand how you may self-sabotage

·         Shift from ‘fear energy’ to ‘action energy’

·         Take one small step at a time

·         Take small steps repeatedly

·         Create fear override mechanisms

·         Enlist help and create a network of people that you can draw from and share with

·         Be accountable

·         Do your self-empowerment work every day